Its Thursday, i have been miserable for 4 days already><. Im done with it, I want to feel better. For most of today, my torment has lifted abit, probably cause i slept more last night, almost fell asleep in oral when it was close to my turn.
But seems like the energy that i felt was short lived. Now im feeling the full burden of being tired.
AHHHH!!! At least i felt comfort for awhile. Thanks to jie and cp, managed to catch some sleep last night ba. THANKS GUYS^^!!!
But seems like i've lost most of my mind to the torment, for the entire day i was blur, couldn't hear most of what the teacher was saying, and i couldn't think straight><. I seem to panic when anything that forces me to think fast, thats just not me, that just doesn't happen to me. Its so frustrating just feeling it is enough, but now im affected by it, my performance, my abilities, haiz Im done with it, im getting rid of it, THIS WEEK, i can't imagine it escalating, already i felt what might happen if it continues. Slowly, one by one, im going to stop working. Already i worked out how a person dies of no sleep, first he looses his mind, starts slipping, making mistakes, that alone is to weaken the human ability to react, but not enough to kill him. Next, control of limbs becomes harder and harder, starting from the part that does more work, the legs to the arms. Eventually, the stress on the brain will cause hallucinations and unreasonable paranoia. that alone with the loss of control over body parts becomes a potent combination that will cause him to make possibility fatal mistakes.
I don't want to die like that, im still young, only 15, i still have a life.
For a long time i always wanted to be needed. Needed to help, needed to comfort, needed to guide, i want to do them all. In a way it gives me satisfaction to some extent. But now, it seems, im the one that needs help. Now is the loneliest time i ever had, less people to talk to, less people who understand me, less people to help me. This is an irony i never expected, it has never been in my nature to find help, but now i do, i admit it. I now realize that the world is too harsh for someone as weak as me to wonder alone...
And i hope i never need to......
