woke up today with the same feeling as yesterday, feels like a bomb waiting to blow up in me. Early morning mom had to force my sis to do work, so as usual, must punish me cause she protested against it... Really bad timing for this, of all times she must do it now, normally i would tell her off, but this time i really had no mood to put up with it, so yea ignored what she told me and did work lo.
She tried to make me read chinese, i just walked past her like she wasn't there, really like no sensible, see me so moody trying to pin my sis failure on me. Eventually she got my point and yea she promise to leave me alone tomorrow woots^^.
So after i was done with work i went on maple and my corner to think as usual=P. The pain seems to be lurking in there all the while. Jie says it was just because i was bored, but ya, even while dotaing, the pain is there.
Anyway, i've decided to turn my back on this feeling, try to let go of it, but from past experience, i don't think it will work, but makes it worst.
Haiz at least now the feeling is numbed, i can get some time to pull myself together.
Jiejie is coming home tomorrow too^^, won't want to waste my mom free day haha, might be finding her and CP tomorrow, first time, so im excited=P.
OH MAN its so hard to believe its holiday, the exams are so near it even over shadows my free days.
Wooooo, my camping trip at ngee ann poly was comfermed earlier today=P. Thats also something to look forward to, hopefully my handphone will be fixed by then, the silence of my moms hand phone is deafening.
Last night there was a full moon, but it seemed empty, even being that huge.
Haiz, i really hope all feelings will be forgotten, i miss waking up smiling...
Tonight was a grim reminder of what i really am. I was put here to watch, but i tried to do more. Why can't i break from this ring of uselessness, every option, every path of thought i take, i try to do it for people. But in the end i am only a bystander, a insignificant support of those who are in this story im trying to fit into.
Now i question my meaning in this world, what am i if not a watcher...
Im sorry Jie, CP, i really can't think of what else i can do but to be here for you guys.
