Its been so long since i had felt no pain thinking about this. All the things i've done before today, everything i can't forgive myself for, and all the mistakes and emptiness i feel.
Life has been playing with my life for so long, giving me hope and then crushing it.
For awhile before, i felt like i was left for death to come, nothing left in my life to fore fill in my life. But now im closing my eyes to see all the days that have gone by, it seems so much easier to see the wrong then the right. Now i want to get out of this mind set that seems so wrong.
It feels like i have broken before and time just keeps going on and on. For so long i felt as though i took everything for granted, like a parasite on my friends, watching them to learn their mistakes instead of taking risks myself. Now it seems i stand alone again, no one seeing what i go through. But i know thats not true.
Then only now i see, all the pain, all the emptiness only hurts once, these are only broken bones, they will still heal in time.
But now, im done, im done thinking about regrets and pains, i wan to go on living this life. I want to erase what i used to be, forgive myself and let go of all that i have done.
I know no one can save me from myself, only i can put an end to this.
Haiz, i have thought to much again......
I guess today was boring overall, Joel was disturbing me as usual, and ya nothing much happened in school. These few days i felt very exhausted, i not sure why though, im sleeping better, so its not because of sleep. I don't know, whatever it is i hope it goes away soon.
