For quite awhile now i have always felt emptiness in me, well today Jie, CP, Xiao Min went out together, and ya today wasn't that good to think about, so i guess i will think about it now.
Actually don't even want to think, sometimes my thoughts just drive me crazy. But im alone tonight and i don't think my mind will let me rest.
I always thought having this empty feeling in me was the worst i ever felt, but it seems so many people around me don't feel it. Up til now i figured out that must be because they don't think as much as i do. Whenever i'm alone or bored i usually sit down and think about the world around me. Its strange as i seem to be able to guess whats going to happen next. But sometimes these thoughts that keep me in the world i enjoy go out of control, just seems like i keep getting bad images of whats going to happen, or how i have been neglecting my friends. I guess this feeling inside me is cause i'm not good at letting go. Everyone i met and gotten close to, all of them have been engraved into me, and when they leave or disappear from my life, the engraving is ripped out, leaving emptiness in me.
But now, i see it in a different way. Now it seems i have found a way to forget about the emptiness, but then it makes life seem slightly meaningless. I guess, although these feelings hurt, it means i'm alive inside, it keeps me excited about tomorrow and the day after, the will to go on with this life. I know i will be hurt many many times after now, and even i have my limits at which i breakdown. But i hope i can prolong the time in which i get hurt again.
But 1 thing i'm certain now that i have figured this fact that has alluded me for so long. I AM ALIVE and theres no point wasting that life being upset about the things i can't change.
And yes i will keep thinking, there may come a time where i figure out something even greater and take a step closer to sealing the hole in me.
