Haiz, seems like i have no interest in whats happening in school anymore, i've been thinking quite alot, trying to go through each problem still bottled up in me.
These few days i haven't been getting much sleep, with the turmoil of emotions in me, i guess, its because, i was thinking too much. every night when i go to sleep, paranoia and worries hit me, and each weeknight is as cruel as the last. Night it seems, is the loneliest part of each day, so, for at least that short time, everything i do, think and feel, is mostly done by myself. Every attempt to comfort myself, is followed by more questions and thoughts that worry me so.
I miss the times that i have people to talk to and comfort me before i sleep, when i was younger, it used to be my mom, but now, what she talks about irritates me, and seems to push me more then comfort me, she will keep going on and on about things she read about people my age and keep nagging me about it... And during sec 1, it was my friends, we will just keep conferencing and chatting lol, but now, they all are busy with work and computer at night.
How i wish there was someone there at night that i can talk to, to let out feelings and thoughts, so that i may go to sleep happy. Every night it seems, i only get about an hour of sleep before waking up, and even in sleep, im not happy, each minute im still taunted by what i was thinking about and wake up soon after... Every night i go to sleep agitated, confused, paranoid, and even if i sleep smiling, behind the smile is a tormented soul which just wan peace, just for the night.
Is that really too much, is that really out of my reach? To be able to sleep happily, without all the paranoia and worries. If it really is, i might as well be dead inside...
All the torment will soon come to me when im awake as my body tries to sleep in the day, and soon every moment, every second, every beat of my heart will be filled with torment, and i really will become a tormented soul......
