So many unseen sides were reviled today, so many things that i have foreseen seem to be happening. But all happening before i thought it would...
For awhile, i knew jie would eventually return to spooky, but who knew that what i worked for to help CP open his eyes would only be short lived. Something has happened, acceptance maybe, i feel it chilling my bones to the core. I myself have accepted facts as well, but it seems that it is not me accepting this time.
For the first 3 months after getting close with jie, i guess she had seen 1 thing that have pretty much admitted, i did have feelings for her, but now those feelings have been locked away, accepted as impossibilities, and to allow me to go on enjoy what time is left on this road. But now i see those feelings in ray, and have been ever since he came back from msia. Still don't know if im right, but i really don't want to find out, so many things happening now, im getting afraid if all of them happen at the same time=(. And this, i guess, is going to be one of the hardest to go through.
I guess Jie has also went through her own acceptance, still, i am afraid of the out come. Humans were never made to let go nor to sacrifice, if there is pain, it is unlikely that it will heal by itself. I am here for you ok jie, always is and always will be^^
I still haven't heard from cp ever since last week though, wondering whats he up to.
As for myself, today has pretty much been a long day, my friends vandalized our class walls during last period when there was no teacher with us, abit afraid that i may be blamed for it=x. Nights are still the longest, still filled with paranoia, but at least no more pain is there. Thoughts continue to flood my head. Recently i have been trying to foresee what will happen now. I feel the pressure building already, the tension in the air, i just hopes nothing blows up, not now...
No progress happens
without sacrifice
or acceptance
But im tired of sacrificing
everything i have
