Yesterday, after talking to jie and cp at night, i decided to cast aside all these feelings of loneliness. Since then, alot of those feelings have subsided, thanks to them=). Though, it was not done without cost, pissed jie quite abit><, for that i will always feel guilt. The guilt is one that will remind me, never to go near that path again. Then again, because of all that, it seems i have made another oversight when writing my blog yesterday. Hopefully i didn't spark anything too large><, i always wanted to be the one that ends the flame not start it.
Today i spent most of the day onl9 with cp, jie and ray^^. jie woke up real late, must have been extremely tired the yesterday.
We slacked online until jie wanted to smoke, and did around 4. I didn't know that, but by the first 10 minutes i already guessed it lol, cp had called herand they chatted til they fell asleep LOL. Still i decided to wait, i went to my corner in FM room 18, and started thinking.
The thoughts didn't hurt this time, more did it touch the part of my mind that i had wanted to awake for a long time now.
It seems like the campaign for happiness that i had start for jie and cp seems to be coming to an end. As i promised, the plan has a far better outcome then rick's instant gratifying plan of just using himself to cover the hole, no, i had fate that by guidance alone and by resolving problem, would we truly get anywhere.
Phase 1 of the plan has been completed, and now is the part where i meld back into the shadows to watch. Phase 1 was to make CP realize mistakes and correct them permanently. Now is where my usefulness comes to an end, the part where they start drifting away from my guidance and friendship, to live on.
Still, phase 2 at this point is equally important. The story it seems, is ending soon. Any sadness, any misconceptions til then takes away time that cannot be recovered. My reason for existence here, is to watch, and protect the peace that has befallen us.
Even as time goes on, and my purpose in life is reduced back to waiting and watching, now at least, it happens with peace, no more regrets, no more words that i felt were left unsaid.
The only question i have to myself now, is what do i wait for now? Why do i wait here, instead of move on? What else is there to wait for once this is over? All these question, i could remember the promise to stay with u guys until the very end, not end of the story, but end of my eternity.
For now i lie here useless and motionless
waiting, for my purpose to be revived
Until it does i will remain here
always being here for you guys
